“Mum! Have you got my sandwiches? I don’t wanna be late on my first day!” I ran into the kitchen, cup of coffee in one hand and briefcase in the other, ready to go. My mother got swept away in the panic, and we both ran around the kitchen table like headless chickens for half a minute.
I was very excited. My first job straight after Uni and with one of the best advertising companies in London. I felt extremely lucky and I smiled at the morning sky as I walked out of the house.
I looked around me as I walked into the huge lobby at “Taverner’s & Associates”. A girl was standing by one of the pillars with some papers in her hand. She gave me one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen and mouthed ‘hello’. I waved back and continued on my way to the lifts.
“I’m going to like working here, I think!” I smiled to myself as I thought of the pretty girl I had just seen.
The office grew quiet and I noticed that most of my colleagues had gone home. The late afternoon sun through the blinds made beautiful patterns on the carpet, and once again I reminded myself that I was indeed fortunate to land such a super job.
“Keith, don’t you want to go home?” she asked mockingly. “I’m just leaving now. Would you like a lift somewhere?”
“No thanks, it’s ok, Ellen. I just want to finish this up and then I’ll go home. I’ll see you tomorrow and thanks for everything today!” I replied.
I waved goodbye and continued to work. As I tapped away on my computer, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye so I looked up. My girl from the lobby was standing in the doorway, smiling at me!
“Hi! Come on in, please”, I urged, worried that she might just suddenly feel shy and leave.
The girl walked up to my desk and gave me another one of her stunning smiles.
“Hello again”, she said “my name is Tracy. What’s yours?”
“I’m Keith. So pleased to meet you, Tracy.”
I smiled back and shook her hand.
Tracy’s eyes were cornflower blue and her blond hair shone in the afternoon sun. She explained that she worked in the I.T department. I told her I had been there that morning but I didn’t see her.
“Oh! That must have been when I popped out for my dental appointment! I’m sorry I missed you!” she said.
We walked together to the train station and exchanged phone numbers while we waited for our trains.
Quite a crowd was now gathering, however, so maybe she was hidden by the people milling on the edge of the platform. I scanned the multitude of people as my train pulled away but I didn’t spot her.
I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my mum all about my fantastic day. After a quick shower, we had dinner and I talked nineteen to the dozen about the impressive office, the lovely people and my sensational job.
“And I met this gorgeous girl, mum! Her name’s Tracy and she is everything I could ever want in a girl!” I blabbered.
Mum’s pretty face scrunched up with worry.
“Keith, go slowly, honey. Remember what a hard time you had when Ashley broke up with you”, her voice was full of concern, “enjoy the moment but just, please, go easy, darling.”
Ashley. We had been together for four years when, out of the blue, she dropped the bombshell. She had met someone else. We were engaged to be married, but that meant nothing at all to her. I was absolutely heartbroken. I pined for her for months on end and became a shell of the man I used to be. So, of course, I completely understood my mother’s doubts.
I was feeling very tired. I’d had a full day, and remembering Ashley, and the hurt she inflicted upon me, made me feel exhausted. Lying on my soft pillow, snuggled up and ready to go to sleep, I noticed the faint glow from my mobile phone. New message? My curiosity got the better of me and I swiped the screen. A message from Tracy! Already? Wow!
“Hi Keith”, it read “I just wanted to say how nice it was to meet you today. I hope to see you tomorrow! Good night and sweet dreams! Xx”
Despite my earlier reservations, I couldn’t help feeling thrilled. I really liked her and it appeared that she liked me too. There could be no harm in getting to know each other.
The week went by in a flurry of exhilarating new beginnings. Things seemed to be finally turning around for me. I saw Tracy every day. She was in the lobby every morning when I walked in; a little wave and a smile and she would walk back in the direction of her office.
We arranged to meet up for lunch practically every day. She never ate anything and when I asked her why, she simply waved it off saying she never ate anything at lunchtime. I didn’t press it any further.
She always chose the park. I didn’t mind. Being with her was my main objective – where was immaterial.
I kept remembering her sweet strawberry lips and those cornflower blue eyes. I was well and truly smitten.
The next day I casually asked her what her surname was. It hadn’t seemed important.
“Oh, of course ha ha! I never said, did I? It’s Fox. Tracy Fox. That’s me!” and she laughed a bit more. If her cuteness levels were to be measured with a thermometer, the thing would explode!
I walked her back to work, holding her hand. On the way there, I saw one of my workmates, Barry. He rushed over to us.
“Hey Keith! Had lunch already? I’m just popping over to the Deli to get myself a sandwich. I’ll see you in a little bit!” he called over his shoulder as he hurried on.
I was a bit puzzled. Barry was a really nice guy and a dedicated social butterfly; but when he stopped to talk to us, he completely ignored Tracy! I decided to ask her.
“Tracy, honey, has anything happened between you and Barry? It’s just that I noticed he never even said hello to you. Are you guys on bad terms?”
“Oh, sorry, but I don’t think he knows me. I’ve certainly never seen him before”, she replied.
I found it odd. Tracy had told me she had been in the company for a couple of years, and knowing Ellen, Barry would certainly have been introduced to her at some point.
I didn’t give it any more thought but, later that evening at home, I decided to check Tracy’s Facebook page. Perhaps Barry was jilted by Tracy once, which would explain his reaction.
Her Profile picture bothered me, though – I checked the date – it had been uploaded over ten years ago! I quickly did the maths. Tracy told me she was my age, 23. If this was true, then she would only have been about 13 when that photo was uploaded to Facebook. Impossible! She looked then exactly as she did now! I didn’t have a logical answer, and I was so besotted by her and so happy that I honestly didn’t want to know. I logged out of Facebook and went to bed.
Next morning, I was still wondering about Tracy, and, when I stepped through the lobby doors, I noticed she wasn’t at her usual spot waiting for me. My heart hit the soles of my feet. My insecurities took centre stage once more, frantically reliving the nightmarish Ashley affair.
Throughout the morning, I found it impossible to concentrate and, when it was time for my break, I decided to go to I.T. to see if she was there. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well and had called in sick?
I moved gingerly through I.T.’s door and stood there awkwardly. One of the girls, Carla, approached me and asked if she could help me. I plucked up the courage and asked her if Tracy was in.
“Tracy?” she repeated “We don’t have a Tracy working here, Keith.”
“You don’t? But you must have. Tracy Fox. Blond with very blue eyes and a pretty smile. Are you sure?” I stammered, my pulse racing.
I think she felt sorry for me and said she would ask around in her department.
As she travelled from desk to desk, I could see the increasing blank looks and shaking heads of her workmates. I couldn’t understand it. Tracy had lied. Why?
I went dejectedly back to my office. There had to be a logical explanation for all this. Maybe I misunderstood her – maybe she worked in the I.T. department of another company. Yes, that had to be it.
I buried myself in my work and jumped when someone tapped me on my shoulder. I looked up expectantly, hoping it was Tracy. It was Ellen.
“Keith, my dear, it’s already after six o’clock. Don’t you want to go home tonight?” she smiled and patted me on the head. Ellen was in her mid thirties and very sensible, so she inevitably fussed over the entire team like a mother hen.
Suddenly it occurred to me that, if anyone would know if Tracy worked here, it would be Ellen. She had been with the company for fifteen years so she pretty much knew everyone at Taverner’s & Associates, past and present.
“Ellen, do you know Tracy Fox from I.T.? We’ve been seeing each other. When I didn’t see her this morning, I asked at I.T. and they all told me they don’t have a Tracy Fox! I don’t understand.” I pleaded.
Ellen suddenly went as white as a sheet and sat down very slowly. When she looked at me, her eyes were filled with tears.
I hesitated, not quite grasping what was happening.
“Yes… yes, that’s what she said”, I mumbled.
Ellen asked me if I had a picture I could show her. I realised I hadn’t taken any pictures of her but I recalled her Facebook page and quickly skimmed through my mobile till I came to her profile; I showed Ellen.
“Oh my God! How can this be possible?” she wailed and put her head in her hands.
My heart was in my mouth. I immediately felt cold and scared. There was something unnatural about Tracy. I hardly dared to ask.
“Ellen, please, tell me what is going on!” I held Ellen by her shoulders and forced her to face me.
“Oh Keith, I’m so sorry, I don’t know how to tell you this – Tracy Fox used to work here in the I.T. department a long time ago. We both joined the company at the same time and she was my best friend. One horrible day we were told that Tracy was never coming back to work. She had been involved in a car accident - she was killed instantly. This was ten years ago… how can this even be possible….” her voice died away and she stared into the distance.
I was confused and in complete denial.
“No! It’s not true! I’ve been with her for the last two weeks! It can’t be the same person!” I cried in anguish.
Ellen snapped out of her reverie and put her arms round me. Without a word, she gently showed me Tracy’s Facebook profile on her mobile. My gut turned into knots as I scrolled down and saw posts from friends and family from ten years earlier.
“Tracy, fly high with the angels, sweetheart. We will never forget you.”
“I will miss our chats, my dear friend. RIP honey xx.”
...on and on they went. Hundreds of them.
I was in total shock. All the jigsaw pieces fit perfectly together now. Barry had nothing against Tracy. He just couldn’t see her. The crowd in I.T. were all too young to remember her. That is why she never ate anything at lunchtime. Her Facebook page hadn’t been changed in ten years because she had died ten years ago …..
I was heartbroken. Why had she come looking for me? Poor Tracy …
I never saw her again. I waited in the park, day after day, hoping to catch a glimpse of my beautiful girl with the cornflower blue eyes. In the end, I went to the cemetery and searched for her there. On a quaint little tombstone, etched in beautiful gilded letters were the words “In memory of Tracy Fox, beloved daughter of David and Mary. Forever missed.”
I left her a bouquet of cornflowers and walked away sadly; and as I moved slowly through the tree-lined pathway, my mobile pinged. My heart leapt. Could it be her?
It was only mum. She was asking me to pick something up from the supermarket on the way home. My eyes welled up with tears.
“I’ll never forget you, Tracy”, I shouted out “I love you!”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
And as Keith walked on, a beautiful blond girl with cornflower blue eyes walked with him, her hand in his; only Keith could no longer see her….
.png)